Legs are nearly the same size again.
It’s been a few weeks since my last update, and if I’m being totally honest, things haven’t gone as smoothly as I hoped. After coming back from a week’s rest, I was hoping things would be the same and I would hit the ground running straight away. But instead, I found myself taking a few steps backwards and having to cut out my running for now. This was hard for me and frustrating to say the least. How can I be running fine one week and the next not at all. I know it hasn’t, but it feels like all the hard work and progress I made before has just disappeared and gone to waste.
For a while, I brushed off the constant pain I was getting in and around my knee. I thought it was just a normal part of recovery, something that would eventually pass overtime. But after six months the pain was still there, and I started to question it. After seeing my surgeon and physio, they decided it was best for me to get an MRI to see if anything was actually wrong. I was scared at first that I would potentially need surgery again if things weren’t right, this terrified me, I never want to relive those first 2 weeks ever again. I was devastated, but I stayed positive, reminding myself that I hadn’t even had the scan yet, and there was a good chance it might not be anything at all.
Turns out it was nothing, and I’m relieved of course but it doesn’t take away the frustration of not knowing what is causing the pain in the first place. I just wish I knew why it was hurting, if there was anything I could do to make it better or prevent it from happening in the future.
I think what hurts the most right now isn’t the actual pain in my knee, it’s the impact it is having on my training. I feel like I was just getting into the routine of being back on the field and getting used to running again. The past 3 or 4 weeks hasn’t necessarily been easy. For some reason one of the hardest things for me is relearning the mechanics of running, things I thought I did normally aren’t as good as I remember. Learning these techniques again has been challenging and I often find myself getting annoyed easily that my body won’t move the way it’s supposed to.
Tully with family
The other day was one of the first times me and Kijah have got separated in terms of rehab, it was her first time joining in on a passing drill with the team. Of course, I was extremely excited and happy for her, but a part of me was sad and annoyed with myself for not being able to do the same. Instead, I was stuck in a corner of the field, 1on1 with my S&C coach. I am grateful for the 1on1 time I get with him because I know what I’m learning will make me better, it just doesn’t feel like that right now. It just feels so lonely being the only one there, while everyone else is joining in. I remember there was a moment when he asked me if I was okay, and I wasn’t. I was upset, more than I’d liked to admit. Usually I keep these feelings inside, but in the moment, I decided to open up. We had a quick chat, and it really helped. He reminded me that everyone’s recovery is different, and I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone else, especially when the process looks different for everyone. The truth is, I’ve been on a similar rehab path as Kijah for the past six months. But now, we’re beginning to go our own ways, and that’s okay. I just need to learn to accept that.
Some good news is that the day after my MRI when I found out it was nothing, I was allowed to join in on some ball drills for the first time again. It wasn’t with the team, but it was still a step forwards. It felt good getting to be on the ball again and passing, it reminded me how happy football actually makes me and why I am doing all this in the first place.
Tully moving the way she is supposed to. :)
Right now, it’s hard to feel like I’ve made much progress over the past few weeks. I went from running every session to barely doing more than one field session a week. It’s frustrating, and some days it feels like I’m just going through the motions. I have to remind myself that this journey isn’t a sprint—it’s a marathon. Every day I’m closer to where I want to be, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. It’s just a matter of time and patience, and learning to accept the process, even when it feels like I’m not moving forward as fast as I’d like.
I’ve seen that this process is emotionally draining, there will be ups and downs that I will face. There have been and still will be moments where I feel like I’m never going to get back to where I was, or moments that will excite me even if it’s small. I’m learning that it’s okay to have bad days and its okay to feel frustrated, sad or unsure with my progress. The important thing is that I keep trying my hardest and showing up, this is what will determine how I bounce back.
