Here’s my next blog!!
A lot has changed since my last post. Not even a week later I was finally back training and passing with the team again. The pain was still there, and it was definitely uncomfortable, but I started to realise this might be my new normal for the next few months, or maybe something I’ll have to get used to forever.
It’s hard to believe it’s almost been 10 months since my surgery, and nearly a full year since I tore my ACL. And it’s even more crazy to think that I haven’t played a game of football in almost a whole year. For so long, football has basically been my whole personality and life. Honestly, I’d still say it is, but over the past year, I’ve added a lot of new things into my life that I didn’t have before, and now I realise how much I needed them.
Looking back on my rehab from where I am now, it feels like time has flown by. But in the moment, each month, and sometimes even each week, has felt incredibly slow. From my perspective, rehab has come with its fair share of complications. Whether it's my knee, hamstrings, or calves, something always seems to be acting up. I know that overall, my recovery has been pretty smooth, and I definitely don’t take that for granted. But it can still be frustrating when setbacks pop up, and I sometimes find myself getting annoyed with how things are unfolding.
Each day started to feel the same, with my gym sessions repeating over and over. I never realised just how drained and exhausted I would become. In those moments, it became really important for me to set small personal goals, something to remind myself that I was still making progress, even if it didn’t always feel or seem like it. Each session, my goal was simple, lift more than I did the week before. If I squatted 85kg last week, this week I’d go for 90kg, or at the very least, do more sets at 85kg. That mindset has been the biggest thing keeping me motivated doing gym. I’m not trying to compare myself to anyone else, I’m just trying to beat my own progress from the week before. I wouldn’t say I necessarily look bigger than I did before the injury, but I certainly feel a lot stronger and my test results back that up, and for me, that’s what really matters right now.
This update has taken a while because, honestly, the past few months have been pretty repetitive, just passing drills and a whole lot of running. But a few weeks ago, things finally shifted. I had my first training session with Qas, and I was cleared to do most of the drills being partial to non-contact. For the first time, my knee felt strong. I was dribbling, shooting, and starting to feel and look like myself again. After that first session back, I felt amazing. Usually, my knee would be achy and sore afterward, but this time was different. I was buzzing and begged my physio, Yanek, to let me keep going. Of course, he said no, and reminded me that even when things feel good, it’s important to stop once I’ve hit the set targets for that day. It’s about discipline and long-term progress, not just riding the highs of a good session, because that’s when things can change in an instant.
But as good as that week felt, the next one was a completely different story. I’m learning to understand that days and even weeks can swing from good to bad without warning. That following week, my knee felt weak. It might’ve been because I’d started a new gym program and my body was just adjusting, but I found myself hesitant, even nervous, to do basic movements like planting my foot in certain positions. Then came Thursday’s session, which was probably the strongest I’ve felt yet when sprinting. During drills, I wasn’t afraid to go into tackles, which felt like a big step forward. But the session ended with me hobbling off after jarring my knee in a shot I probably shouldn’t have taken. And because of this I had to sit out of the final drills and running. It’s crazy how quickly things can change. One small lapse in focus, or doing something I normally would, just under fatigue, can have a completely different outcome. It’s a reminder that I need to stay switched on, listen to my body, and be a bit more careful moving forward.
One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced since being back on the ball has been getting used to my feet again. It feels like my brain is moving faster than my body can keep up, like I know exactly what I want to do, but my feet just aren’t reacting the way they used to. Simple movements that used to come naturally are now causing me to trip over the ball or get it stuck under my feet. It’s been so frustrating, especially over the past week, because everything else seems to be clicking into place, except this. It honestly feels like my feet are lagging behind, and at times, I feel like bambi trying to find its balance again.
But I know this is all part of it.
It’s about learning to trust my body again. It’s about being patient and learning to be okay with not being where I once was. It’s about learning to not beat myself up for every little mistake or awkward touch I take. It’s not easy but I’m trying to be a bit more kind to myself.
There are still a few months to go until I’m meant to be allowed to play again. I don’t know exactly when that time will come, but what I do know is that I’m the closest I have been. I’m starting to imagine myself running out onto the pitch again and it’s starting to feel real.
So yeah, it’s been almost a year without football. But in that year, I’ve grown in ways I never expected. And when I do finally step back on that pitch, I won’t just be playing for the sake of playing, I’ll be playing for everything I’ve been through to get back.
And honestly, I’m so excited!
